Her foot slipped on wet tarmac as she turned sharply to dart into another alleyway navigating through the complicated maze of tall foreboding buildings that towered into the sky grimly reminding her of tombstones. Every so often she would frantically glance over her shoulder only to see the dark slimy walls that caged her in this labyrinth and her shadow strewn across the dirty ground. All the while rain continued to fall the droplets the size of marbles as if the sky itself was weeping.
After what seemed like years of running but was only a few minutes, The girl slowed to a stop and leant against the nearest wall, closed her eyes and lifted her face to the onslaught of rain . Her breaths were short and Shallow each one turning to mist as they escaped her bloody red lips.
Her hand slipped into the pocket of her damp ragged shorts, Blindly searching until she finally curled her slim fingers around the cool metal of a dagger. She pulled the sharp blade from her pocket carefully In fear of wounding herself. She then held it up to the flickering streetlight its glow reflecting off the polished Metal. She inspected it slowly turning it in her hand searching for imperfection or any sign of forgery. A small exhausted but satisfied smile crossed her face when she found none. Strands of long wet hair were plastered to her pale skin her lips were slowly becoming blue wit the severity of the cold there. Dark circles under her emerald green eyes betraying the depth of her exhaustion.
Her other hand pulled a phone from her jacket pocket ,her eyes remaining transfixed on the weapon as if she feared it was going to slip away, she flipped it open and quickly dialled a number before pressing it to her ear she only had to wait a second before someone answered
“It’s me,” She said softly there was a small pause “I got it”
I wrote this about two monts ago and I absoloutley hate it, But seeing as I was critical about a certian Idea bouncable persons work, here is somthing of mine. Feel free to rip it to shreads or set fire to it with the help of a responsible adult.
If for some reason you get the uge to repost this somwhere please dont claim it as your own because I spent a good 12 minutes on this and I put my blood sweat and tears into it...Well actualy no blood was used in the creation of this drabble...No sweat either....I was depresed when I wrote this so that counts as tears right?
Yes. i know what you mean. Trust me, I won't take your hard work away from you. I'm still working on rehashing my stuff. I posted like a couple of stories on the old cb site. I'm redoing them for the new site.
this is really good work. wow!
The telling of it is good. Mostly what I wanted to edit was the punctuation. It needs a lot more commas and periods for clarity. When I was reading I felt the urge to copy and paste it with all the punctuation added in.
And I was glad you were critical with my stuff. It's why I put it up on here.
-_- Punctuation allways hated me XD LOL At the school I went to when I was younger they didnt focus on it at all and now im just pathetic with it.
Edit: This is because schools in england Public and private fail at almost everything
Basically what I do is read the sentences to myself as I write them and add in commas when I want pauses, and periods when I want longer ones. I do all my punctuation by ear. Mental ear that is.
You said you're homeschooled now, didn't you? Can't quite remember...
yes but Ive only been homeschooled around 6 months T-T Public school has scared me for life
LOL When I wrote this I was typing furiously to get it down before I forgot reading it aloud does actualy help me a little with my punctuations but I dont think my parents would have been thrilled with it being 2 am and all XD